The Fault With Fault
Hibu Websites • February 11, 2020
The Fault With Fault
I sat across from a very happy man. He is recently separated from his wife of 25 years. His children, through with their education, are ready for the next phase of their lives and so was he. I had known my friend for more than 20 years and this was the happiest I had ever seen him. He had nothing bad to say about his wife. Not then, and not now. Now, after waiting patiently for 2 decades he is ready to move on with his life. He is not in a hurry. He is not dating. He is living in a world where nobody is mad at him. He wakes up in the morning and eats what he likes for breakfast that day. All day every day, he makes his decisions, he goes about his days, he does his work, and he pays the bills. But now he does all of that out of the shadow of his angry and judging wife.
Still, 20 years down the tubes can’t be easy for anyone. I asked him what he thought now that he was seeing the light at the end of this particular tunnel, of all that had happened before. He was beaming. The happiness he feels at just being alone cannot be contained or concealed. He said, “It is not anyone’s fault. We were not the right fit for each other. I love her, I will always love her. She raised my children. In fact, in many ways, she raised me. But I am looking forward to someday falling in love with somebody who is madly in love with me.”
These are not spring chickens, and dismantling a lifestyle is difficult work, but they are doing it at their own pace. They will sell their house, establish two new residences; divide their belongings and their debts. They will do all of that over the course of the next 6 to twelve months, one step at a time. And, when they have completed this work, they will file for divorce. No judge will be able to tell them who lives in what house; or how to distribute the assets. These are wise people who have made decisions together for half of their lives. This final batch of decisions – the ones in which they create their own ending – may be the most critical ones they have ever made. By refusing to blame each other, hate anyone, or make things tumultuous, they are creating a future in which they will always be able to respect each other.
Sometimes the decision to divorce is a rushed and emotional result of an unhappy moment, or series of moments. Sometimes it is a patient conclusion to a lifetime of causes and effects. Either way, the process of divorce can still be a time to carefully consider the best alternatives for everyone involved – spouses and children, even adult children. When we focus our attention on the culprit, look for a bad guy, and aim for retribution, we risk missing the delicate and somewhat beautiful opportunity to see a bigger picture and a wider world.
What We Love: Whoever said that patience is a virtue missed the fact that it is also a gift to one’s self.
Reinventing Yourself After Divorce: How Change Can Fuel Confidence and Empowerment Divorce may end a marriage, but it doesn’t end you. In fact, it often begins something else entirely — the powerful process of rediscovery. You’re not starting over. You’re starting forward. This transition, however disorienting, carries within it the raw materials for something rare: a life rebuilt by choice. But reinvention doesn’t happen by accident. It begins when you stop waiting to be ready and start moving — imperfectly, bravely, now. Rediscover Your True Self Before you add new layers, peel back the old ones. Divorce strips away routines, roles, and shared identities — which can feel terrifying, but also clarifying. You finally get to ask: What was I doing out of obligation? Who am I when nobody’s watching? That kind of reflection opens the door to something deeper. As one woman shared about her post-divorce experience, the quiet led to your path to self-discovery — not a version of herself filtered through someone else’s expectations, but one rooted in clarity and agency. Release Old Narratives There’s a story playing in your head about why things ended, what it means, and what it says about you. Most of it? Probably outdated. Divorce stirs grief, but it also shakes loose outdated self-concepts. The beliefs you carried in marriage — “I’m bad with money,” “I’m not strong,” “I’m hard to love” — often came from somewhere else entirely. One critical healing shift is shedding self-limiting beliefs that were never yours to carry in the first place. Unlearning is part of becoming. Rewrite the script, or it’ll keep casting you in roles you’ve outgrown. Create a Personal Brand Identity You’ve rewritten your story — now design how it shows up. Whether you’re restarting a business, refreshing your portfolio, or just owning your personal evolution, visuals matter. You don’t need a design degree to create a signature look. Even a simple tool to design logos can help you represent your new direction with confidence. A brand isn’t just for companies. It’s a declaration of self — clear, intentional, and unafraid to be seen. Reclaim Your Self-Worth Confidence doesn’t return on its own. It rebuilds itself in motion — when you do hard things, make clean decisions, and keep tiny promises to yourself. Divorce can flatten self-esteem, especially if blame, betrayal, or failure were part of the narrative. But the path forward isn’t performative. It’s private, gritty, and slow. As this breakdown of steps to reclaim self-worth explains, the key isn’t waiting to feel better — it’s acting like someone who deserves better, even before it feels real. Dress for the confidence you’re crafting. Speak like someone you want to be. And then? Watch that version of you take shape. Get Expert Guidance Trying to "figure it out on your own" can trap you in loops. Sometimes what you need isn’t advice — it’s scaffolding. Working with someone trained to listen and reflect without projecting can radically accelerate your growth. Life coaches and therapists aren’t there to fix you — they help you see the tools you already have. This breakdown of how to find new strength through expert support reframes coaching as an act of self-trust, not dependence. If you’ve always been the one others leaned on, asking for help now might be your boldest move yet. Project Your Renewed Self When your inner life shifts, your outer world should follow. Changing your hair, your clothes, your space — it’s not superficial, it’s symbolic. You’re not pretending to be someone else. You’re declaring who you’ve become. One woman shared how a fun breakup makeover boost helped her reconnect with a part of herself that had gone quiet. Visibility, in this phase, is permission — for others to meet the new you, and for you to keep stepping into her. Start with what feels good. Confidence often walks in through the side door. Define a Confident Future The future won’t wait for you to feel ready. But it will respond to clarity. What does a good year look like now? Where do you want to live? How do you want to spend your time? Setting goals after divorce isn’t about control — it’s about vision. You get to write new metrics for happiness. This practical primer on setting meaningful personal goals offers strategies that start where you are and build forward. You’ve endured enough reactivity. This part? You get to do it on purpose. Reinvention isn’t always loud. Sometimes, it starts quietly — in late-night journals, in uncomfortable therapy sessions, in a new pair of shoes that feel nothing like your old life. Divorce can feel like a collapse, but it can also be a clearing. A space you get to rebuild. If you’re standing in that space now, unsure of what’s next, know this: the work you do now becomes the life you get to live next. And yes, that life can be even better. Ready to move forward? Visit Oberst DeFala Law today to schedule your personalized consultation and take the first step toward a smoother divorce process. Laura Pearson believes that every student has great potential and aims to help as many as possible unlock it. Ms. Pearson and Edutude strive to find unique, creative ways for parents and educators to encourage students to be challenged, motivated and excited by learning Love Your Divorce - https://love-your-divorce.com/ Such connections are invaluable - https://oneparent.org/single-moms-the-importance-of-having-a-support-system/ Adobe Express basic resume template - https://www.adobe.com/express/templates/resume managing expenses wisely - https://www.thebalancemoney.com/money-management-101-for-single-parents-2997424 Financial management apps like Simplifi and Rocket Money - https://www.pcmag.com/picks/the-best-personal-finance-services necessity for the well-being - https://www.metrofamilymagazine.com/simple-self-care-for-busy-parents/ Open and honest communication - https://www.mother.ly/life/8-expert-tips-talk-effectively-kids/ Love Your Divorce - https://love-your-divorce.com/
Have you been struggling to settle a dispute? If so, it’s time to learn why hiring a mediation lawyer may be the right solution.
Navigating Your Uncontested Divorce in Connecticut: A Guide to Essential Documents Going through a divorce is never easy, but when you and your spouse are in agreement about the major issues, opting for an uncontested divorce can simplify the process. At Oberst Defala Law in Norwalk, Connecticut, we understand the complexities of family law and are here to guide you every step of the way. What Makes a Divorce "Uncontested"? An uncontested divorce in Connecticut means you and your spouse have reached a mutual understanding regarding: • Division of Assets: How property, finances, and possessions will be split. • Debt Allocation: Who is responsible for outstanding debts. • Child Custody and Support: Parenting plans, custody arrangements, and child support obligations (if applicable). Essential Documents for Your Uncontested Divorce While an uncontested divorce is generally smoother, Connecticut courts still require specific documentation to finalize the process. Here's a breakdown of what you'll need: Standard Documents: • Divorce Agreement (Form JD-FM-172) : This legally binding document outlines all the agreed-upon terms of your divorce, including asset division, debt distribution, and more. • Financial Affidavits ( Form JD-FM-6 ): Both parties must submit financial affidavits dated within the last 30 days, providing a clear picture of their financial situation. • Affidavit Concerning Military Service (JD-FM-178 ): This confirms whether either spouse is currently on active military duty. • Wage Withholding for Support ( Form JD-FM-1 ): If your agreement includes alimony or child support, this form facilitates direct deductions from the payor's paycheck. Additional Documents for Divorces with Children: • Affidavit Concerning Children ( Form JD-FM-164 ): Provides essential information about your children. • Child Support Guidelines Worksheet (Form JD-FM-220): This must be completed even if you're waiving child support. • Certificate of Completion of Parenting Education Program: Connecticut requires both parents to complete this program. • Advisement of Rights Re: Income Withholding ( Form JD-FM-71 ): Addresses your rights regarding income withholding for child support. How Oberst Defala Law Can Help Navigating these legal requirements can feel overwhelming. Our experienced family law attorneys at Oberst Defala Law are here to provide expert guidance and ensure your uncontested divorce proceeds smoothly. We can assist with: • Preparing and reviewing your divorce agreement • Completing all necessary court forms • Representing you in court • Answering your questions and addressing your concerns Contact Us Today Don't face this process alone. Contact Oberst Defala Law in Norwalk today for a consultation. We're dedicated to helping you achieve a fair and amicable resolution to your divorce.
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